"I am an artist. I am here to live out loud."

I just made a rather daring decision. One that I'm sure distresses my parents to no end, and one that honestly scares me to the tips of my toes, but one that feels so right that there's no going against it. I decided to leave microbiology and apply for the studio arts major at BYU.

A few weeks ago, I started to feel really uncomfortable about my choice of major. I didn't see how it would work out in the long run, and while I did enjoy aspects of what I studied, it just didn't feel right, like a puzzle piece out of place. So, with prayers, my parents, and an open mind, I once again turned to major lists and career tests, debating the merits of architecture, interior design, nutrition, and even hair styling. I think I knew all along what I really wanted, even as my eyes automatically skipped it and my brain dismissed it as a possibility, declaring it too ludicrous for consideration. I was just too nervous and stuck in preconceived ideas to realize it. I still don't know when the change happened, or what caused it. Maybe I'm a product of my generation, set on finding happiness by being myself, or maybe I was inspired by something higher. However, I suddenly realized that there had really only been one choice all along, and I have been too stubborn and blind to see it.

I have no false notions going into this. I'm not doing this for the money and job security, because let's face it--there's not a lot. I'm doing this because I finally realized that this is my life to live, not anybody else's. I'm doing this because I'll never forgive myself if I don't try. I'm doing this because it feels right, and I'm doing this because all I want to do is make art, forever and ever.

I'll admit that I feel a little silly making a stand like this when I won't find out until next year whether I've even been accepted into the program. However, if my decision is as right as it feels, I know everything will work out in the end, and even if it's not, everything will still work out in the end. Feel free to leave comments or suggestions--I'd love to hear what you have to say. However, nobody will decide for me anymore--the final decision is mine to make. On the bright side, if worst comes to worst I can always go "hunting" in the law library and around the accounting building :)

"A musician must make music, an artist must paint, a poet must write, if he is to be ultimately at peace with himself. What one can be, one must be."